Have you ever tried being with your friends but you're not showing them the real you? Or you thought that you were showing them the real 'you' but later on, you've realized that it wasn't.

To some point, I felt that way
I put on this happy face even though I'm not happy, I try to please everyone with an attitude that I don't even think, suits me.

These past few days, I have no clue what was going on with me, lately. I've felt that everyone hates me. They don't want to talk to me and are irritated when I'm around. I've felt this kind of feeling before, during Form 2 and it was a feeling that I FULLY WANTED TO FORGET BUT I FELT IT AGAIN

Lately I've been thinking 'What could I've done? Why aren't they talking to me like they used to? Why do I feel like they're ignoring me?' and it came to my mind, I haven't been acting like myself. All this time, I thought I was the real me but to feel some emptiness and loneliness whenever I'm with my friends, I really don't think that what I act right now is the real me.

Ever since I've entered school, I've noticed that I'm trying to please everyone with an attitude that will be comfortable for them but it turned out to be the other way around. It seems like they don't like it and so do I. I'm really tired trying to put on a laughing and smiling face when the fact is, I hate myself already.

To talk about girly things sometimes gives me the shivers. To joke around even when it hurts, irritates me and mostly, to talk behind someone's back makes me want to beat the crap out of myself.

I really hate this kind of feeling, I don't know what to do, I don't know how I should face people, I have no idea about anything anymore. I'm pretending to be someone I'm not and I hate it.

I think I should go back to the attitude I had when I was 8 years old, a quiet type and would only speak when I need to speak. Answer when being asked and reply to every conversation that has been started by someone else.

*Sigh* I don't know why, but I feel like I can only be 'Me' whenever I'm with SYNDROME. How I miss them so much and how I want to be with them already :/